Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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