They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
