that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
