My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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