dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
