remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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