just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
