so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
