she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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