Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
