i was rollin on her like bob the builder
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
