i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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