...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
