I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
