you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
