Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
