Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
