Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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