Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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