It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
