Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
