I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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