ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
