My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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