she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
