He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
