; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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