Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
