So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
