that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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