Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
