Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
