There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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