Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
