I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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