even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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