So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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