I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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