Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize