tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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