I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
