now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
