I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
