She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize