mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
