Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
