Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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