No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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