That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
