i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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