that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
