So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
