I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is my gift to your gina
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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