she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
