some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
