You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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