Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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