I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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