If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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